Our feelings are like the weather. They come and go. Sunshine follows rain, which follows sunshine, which follows rain. The ground around us freezes, snow falls…sometimes we are buffeted by gales, deluged by hail…sometimes storms appear, rage and subside again…or lightning strikes…then sunshine follows…then rain. To want or expect otherwise is to set ourselves up for a lifetime of disappointment and pain.
No rain, no flowers; no lush, green countryside; no bountiful harvest of fruit and vegetables; no life-giving water to quench our eternal thirst. And so it is with feelings. Constantly energised, happy and joyful…no soulful moments to reflect and learn. Constantly depleted, depressed and inactive…no dynamic, spirit-filled moments to feed our souls.
We need them both because…here and now…we are Human Beings here for a human experience and feelings are the ultimate manifestation of that Human experience. We all have them, we all try to contain and suppress them…or befriend, understand, learn to live with and accept them. To believe otherwise is to deny the very purpose of our creation as Human Beings…to feel.
And feelings are the weather of our relationships with others. Sometimes sunshine, sometimes rain; all Human, all part of Life. There are no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ feelings. There are only feelings and what we choose to do with them. To see and accept them for what they are? To be honest about what lies behind them and to learn from them (for they are our greatest teachers)? Or to deny that they are our creation…an integral part; the most Human, personal and individual part, of us?
Every relationship is co-created by the people involved in it, but the feelings we experience are uniquely our own. To believe that “Someone else made me feel X…” is to deny our individual power and responsibility for the feelings we alone create. If we label feelings as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ then we will do everything in our power to make someone else responsible for the ‘bad’, because taking ownership of its creation is tantamount to labelling ourselves as ‘bad’ and that is a painful emotional experience that few of us are strong enough to weather. And with good reason. Because it is untrue. And our deepest, truest sense of Self (our Heart) sees and knows it to be untrue.
But our fearful Self (or Ego) accepts the message from Society, many religions and other individuals that the world and the people within it are divided into ‘good’ and ‘bad’. And it will do anything it can to avoid being labelled as ‘bad’. So ‘bad feelings’ are created by ‘bad experiences’ or ‘insensitive/abusive/bad people’. End of story. We are ‘let off the hook’. We remain ‘good’, they are condemned as ‘bad’…and we learn nothing about ourselves.
We have feelings for a reason. They are our teachers. They teach us nothing about others and everything about ourselves. They are not ‘good’, they are not ‘bad’. They just are. Yes, they can be painful, but emotional pain is just like physical pain. It is there for a reason and it tells us:
“What you are experiencing now has the potential to harm you, unless you pay attention and take action. You are stronger, wiser, braver and more capable of Love than you allow yourself to believe. Balance your love for others with love for yourself. Fully accept yourself, feelings and all. Stop labelling, numbing, suppressing and projecting your feelings onto others. Own your own power…and, slowly but surely, you will learn to dance in the rain.”